My Not So Random Thoughts On The Consequences of Being A Bad Husband or Lover: Series I
Either of three things could be deduced when a Man maltreats his Wife/Girlfriend:
1. He was not raised by a Queen(his mother) so he cannot possibly understand to value his Woman as a Princess.
2. He doesn’t love his own mother even if he claims he does. If he really did, he would have treated his woman so well that seeing her cry or look unkempt and unhealthy would grip him with guilt as he would not have loved his mother to cry for any reason or live a dejected life.
3. He is a kid who thinks that getting married and keeping a family solely depends on age. His brain isn’t developed enough to comprehend and appreciate the phenomenon of Marriage.
Why do I say these things? I look at our fathers, uncles, and senior colleagues(in age) only to see a failure passed unto them that they willingly hold on to. They claim to love their Mothers but show no love to their Wives. They forget or do not even know that naturally kids are empathetic to their mothers and as such, a Man has so much work to do if he is to get near as much love from his kids as his wife effortlessly gets from their kids. It doesn’t matter if he alone provides food, shelter, clothing and education for them. The Woman is always ahead in the silent love battle for their kids.
You don’t treat your wife with disregard while you treat strangers so well and expect your kids to warm up to you. Treating your kids well and neglecting your wife doesn’t even get you credits from your kids. It will take a lot of deep wrong doings from your wife to give any man a chance to win over the empathy of his kids in a duel with his wife.
If your kids warm up to you now despite how you treat their mother, it could simply be because they see you as their means of survival and do not want to jeopardize their interest on account of their displeasure with your maltreating of their mother (your wife). When they get to stand on their feet as adult without the encumbrance of finance, they would bring you to justice. This justice could come but not limited to sending money and other materials to their mother while they leave you to your fate, taking their mother to randomly reside in the homes of each one of them while you are stuck in your own house all alone. The punishment they will mete out to you can be endless and killing.
You may think getting another wife or having multiple romance with other women will ease your tension, but it won’t. Starting a new family will make matters worse for you and for you new family. You will lose face before everyone else even if you concoct lies against your wife as the reason for your kids abandoning you. The best you can get are many insincere and very few sincere pity from strangers who will not and cannot help fill the vacuum created by the alienation of your family from you.
As I always tell people in Church when I have the opportunity to speak on similar matters, “You can fight against the entire world and win, but you cannot fight against your family (wife and kids) and win. Even if you win, the cost of victory will be so grave.”
I wish I could write a lot on this concept, but I will take it bit by bit. As I observe, ponder, write, and teach, I above everyone else learn from this. To be first a Man before I become a Married Man. It sounds fun sometimes thinking and imagining being a Husband, but then comes kids. These kids are the judges of all that you do or claim to do. Treating their mother who is your wife rightly or wrongly is the yardstick they will use when rewarding you.
God help us all, that is if you really want His help.
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